If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out (Cat Stevens)

What are the cultural differences between Romania and the US? Everybody always asks me that question and to answer it, I really have to look at some things that have been hard for me to get used to...

One thing that sticks out in my mind is the way in which Romanians often accept "NO" as an answer without objection. They will not "sing out" in public, either for fear of the confrontation or the fear of bringing attention to themselves. They may complain to friends and family, but only after the fact and without achieving a resolution. The fact is that we are afraid to "sing out" for our rights and needs. Unfortunately, it seems like our cultural norm is to be quiet and powerless.

But now I live in a country where people are very aware of their rights and are not afraid to demand them.

I remember when I first moved here my mother-in-law went to the store to return a jar of pickles, because they tasted bad. I followed her, quite curious to see how this "scene" would take place. I imagined that there would be argument and lots of yelling. So I stood a little behind embarrassed at the potential confrontation. But NO! The "event" went quite smoothly. She told the cashier that the pickles were bad and she wanted another jar. She got a simple "OK" and that was it. We left the store with a new jar of pickles in hand. I didn't know what to think...

But recently I bought a pair of shoes. After more than a month (the period of time to return them as stated on receipt) they started to tear apart. I was sad because they were nice shoes and I knew that I couldn't take them back. But my American husband suggested that I go to the store, tell them what happened and ask how they can help me. I laughed at his suggestion because the return period had expired and I thought the store manager would send me home the way I came.

Anyway, I decided to try my luck and go to the store, though I was a little bit nervous about the potential conversation between the manager and me. Before I left I prepared myself for a confrontation with a "negative" manager. I practiced my speech, prepared myself to be calm yet ready to "sing out" for my rights in an assertive way....

So off I went to the store, and asked to speak with the manager. I told her my story, and before I could even finish, she offered me a store credit or a new pair of shoes. At first I didn't quite understand her because I was focused on my arguments. I asked her to repeat herself, just to be sure that I heard her correctly. I left the store more relaxed, and with a new pair of shoes. And also with the realization that no one will "attack" me for "singing out" for my rights.

Though I have learned from my mother-in-law the art of demanding one's rights as a customer, and I am learning to not be afraid of doing so, I still feel a little nervous "singing out". Why? because I grew up in a society where we did not "sing out".